If you have children over 18, chances are you thought things would go something like this: They grow up, they move out, and\u2014minus the occasional request for cash\u2014they pretty much take care of themselves. After all, that\u2019s probably what you did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But if you have adult kids in 2019, chances are things didn\u2019t turn out that way. In a 2018 survey<\/a> conducted by Merrill Lynch and Age Wave, 79 percent of participants admitted to providing some kind of financial support to their adult children. As an example, the survey indicated that 54 percent say they pay for some or all of their adult children\u2019s phone expenses, while 60 percent say they pay for some or all of their food and groceries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And while many experts believe this trend is due to changing norms surrounding child-rearing, it\u2019s also clear that the Great Recession of 2008 put millennials<\/a> behind the eight ball before they ever had a chance to gain an economic foothold. In other words, give yourself a break\u2014it\u2019s not all your fault!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Regardless of the reasons why your kids are still financially tethered to you, this predicament is likely causing problems for both you and your offspring. Below, we explore some steps you can take to disentangle yourself from your children\u2019s finances while also helping them become financially independent, so you can be better prepared for your own financial future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Setting boundaries is seldom a comfortable experience. But if regularly donating money to your adult children is taking a toll on your financial health, better to experience some discomfort now than face bigger problems down the road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How you approach your children depends entirely on your family dynamic and unique set of circumstances. In some cases, it may work best to sit down with your kids and ease them into a cut-off date.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMake a road map for this journey, with goals and a date for achieving them,\u201d says Marilyn Lewis, contributing editor for MoneyTalksNews<\/a>. \u201cIf possible, include your kids in setting these goals and discuss how to reach them. Involving them respects and supports their independence.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you meet with resistance, stay strong. Your kids know how to push your emotional buttons and vice versa. Make it clear this is a conversation between adults, and be honest about why you can no longer provide ongoing financial support. For some parents, it helps to appeal to their kids\u2019 empathy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, if your monetary gifts are causing a major drain on your savings and retirement funds, say so. You may even choose to show your children your financial statements or, better yet, pay a visit to your financial advisor; an impartial party may be the best person to help them see the bigger picture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s another surprising finding from the Merrill Lynch study cited above: three out of four parents knowingly prioritize their children\u2019s financial needs ahead of their own. Though this may seem like an act of kindness, in the long run you\u2019re enabling your kids rather than helping them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even if you have a decent amount of savings, can you really afford to pay for yourself and your adult children once you retire? For many, the answer is probably no. Financial expert, broadcaster, and USA Today<\/a> contributor Peter Dunn puts it bluntly: \u201cIf your retirement plan is underfunded, you will work deep into your 70s so that your adult child can avoid understanding how money works.\u201d To avoid this grim scenario, retirement planning<\/a> will need to become your highest financial priority.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Weaning your adult children off of the First Bank of Parental Handouts doesn\u2019t mean you have to cut them off completely or refuse to give them money when they\u2019re struggling. Instead, you can choose to reserve your assistance for when they truly need it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Part of this process means knowing the difference between a self-created financial issue and a real crisis. You can absolutely be there for your children in the event of an emergency\u2014so long as that \u201cemergency\u201d isn\u2019t just a calculated attempt to get more money from you to support a lifestyle they can\u2019t afford.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can also choose to assist your adult children in more constructive ways, under more controlled circumstances. For example, if you\u2019d like to help fund an adult child\u2019s education but you\u2019re concerned about how they might use the money, you can establish a 529 plan<\/a>, which must be used for education-related purposes only.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Or, say you\u2019ve had a windfall from a particularly good investment. If you\u2019d like to share your good fortune, you could gift each of your children with a portion of your returns with the caveat that this is a one-time deal. The bottom line is that you can still give your children money every now and then as long as you ensure it\u2019s on your<\/em> terms\u2014not theirs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While you\u2019re getting your adult kid sorted, don\u2019t forget about the younger kids in your life (younger siblings or grandkids, for example). It\u2019s far easier to teach kids the value of money while they\u2019re young enough to absorb and assimilate the lessons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to a recent survey<\/a> we conducted, of the participants who said they had an early education in finance from their parents (65 percent), 41 percent reported a high level of confidence in their finances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The survey also showed that those who are educated about financial matters when they\u2019re children are three times as likely to have a personal income of $75,000 or higher than those who didn\u2019t. This data suggests that teaching children the value of money from an early age can help get them started on the right financial path and even influence their earning potential as adults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Since basic financial literacy<\/a> is not part of the average public school curriculum in the U.S., the burden of educating kids about finances typically falls to the family\u2014and many experts say that the earlier you start, the better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe fact is that someone as young as 4 or 5 years old can hand a $20 bill to a cashier, whether it\u2019s at a convenience store buying a toothbrush or a ballpark for a hot dog,\u201d says Greg Powell, a member of the Forbes Financial Council. \u201cThat physical connection with money is an experience too easily overlooked in the age of Amazon and digital payment providers like PayPal.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n When children are a little older, you can start teaching them about the value of saving money. You may choose the classic piggy bank method, or you could open up a savings account for minors<\/a> (with the latter option, they can learn about earning interest, too.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Finally, when children are nearing adulthood and perhaps contemplating college, encourage them to start actively managing their own finances. Depending on each kid\u2019s financial literacy at this stage, you can help them create a budget<\/a> or they can create one on their own. There\u2019s a wide array of budgeting tools<\/a> and apps<\/a> that tech-savvy teens can easily use to manage their money, monitor their spending, and learn about their own financial habits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The sooner kids understand their financial tendencies and triggers, the sooner they\u2019ll learn how to avoid the common problems many young adults fall victim to, such as racking up credit card debt or turning to predatory payday lenders to make ends meet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Parents give their children money because they love them and don\u2019t want to see them fail. Ironically, such over-generosity can have the opposite effect. By enabling adult children, you prevent them from becoming financially independent\u2014a situation that can ultimately lead to financial difficulties for all parties involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Follow these tips to emancipate yourself from your kids\u2019 finances, prioritize your own, and help ensure a healthier financial future for your entire family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Many adults today are still financially dependent on their parents. We’ve got tips to help you cut the purse strings and prioritize your own financial future.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":59,"featured_media":1282,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"What to Do About Grown Children Who Expect Money | Quicken","_seopress_titles_desc":"Many adults today are still financially dependent on their parents. We've got tips to help you cut the purse strings and prioritize your own financial future.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[78],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1281","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-relationships"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/QuickenBankOfMomAndDad2.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1281","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/59"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1281"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1281\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4614,"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1281\/revisions\/4614"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1282"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1281"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1281"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.quicken.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1281"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}How to Stop Enabling Your Grown Child<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
1. Set Clear Boundaries (and Stick to Them)<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
2. Prioritize Your Retirement<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
3. When You Do Give, Give Responsibly<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
4. Give the Gift of Financial Literacy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
The Bottom Line<\/h3>\n\n\n\n